Too Big to Nail

In the middle of the worst economic crisis since the Great Depression, when numerous major American industries are in desperate shape, New City has a critical economic situation of its own that demands immediate and vigorous attention.

The financial lifeblood of the community is in desperate need of a major federal bailout. The backbone of the hamlet's economy is an industry that is simply too big and important to fail.

I'm talking, of course, about nail shops.

People are spending less, uncertain of what is ahead. That means forgoing not only extras and frivolities but also necessities, and that means getting your nails done less frequently. Not every week! Maybe only once a month? There may even be some who, perish the thought, are swearing off altogether!

One look down Main Street will show how little we can afford a drop-off in nail appointments. With at least five nail shops in the single block from Congers Road to just south of the County Courthouse, this is obviously the industry that runs New City.

And yet this week, as I walked home from work, I saw a chilling sight. Across from Burger King and Bruno II, The Nail Place was gone--it had closed!

Please, President Obama, if Wall Street banks and Detroit automakers can get generous subsidies, don't forget the little people. Bail out the nail shops!